Joyful

10 years ago today (July 13, 2001)

2011-07-13T20:09:00.002-04:00

I took a flight to US for my Ph.D. study on July 13, 2001. I arrived at the College Station airport in Texas. Feeling was very different than when I came here for business.

It was a brave decision to change where I had been and where I am now, which I never dreamed of.

I reflected back those years and tears come out from thankfulness. I may write this down on my journal. First time, I thought I would go back after my study and therefore promised to US embassy when I had a Visa interview. I didn't keep my promise. I decided to stay and got a job here in California which was completely out of my plan. I had this idea that I would go back where I belong to. Now I have a question where I belong to.

등꽃 아래서 - 이 해인

2011-04-28T13:33:00.004-04:00

차마

하늘을 바라볼 수 없는 것일까

수줍게 늘어뜨린

연보라빛 꽃타래

혼자서 등꽃 아래 서면

누군가를 위해

꽃등을 밝히고 싶은 마음

나도 이젠

더 아래로

내려가야 하리

세월과 함께

뚝뚝 떨어지는 추억의 꽃잎을 모아

또 하나의 꽃을 피우는 마음으로

노래를 불러야 하리

때가 되면 아낌없이

보랏빛으로 보라빛으로

무너져 내리는 등꽃의 겸허함을

배워야 하리　

Tea (차 한잔)

2010-11-09T14:08:00.003-05:00

회사에서 환경을 생각한다고 개인 머그컵을 3년 전에 나눠줬다.
회사의 대표 색은 검정색과 노란색이다.
검정색 바탕에 노란 스프린트 마크.
오늘 아침 커피대신 차 한잔을 마신다.

까만 컵에 까만 차 (Black Tea ^^) 한잔을 마시고 있다.
잠시 인생을 생각하며 ... (우리가 살아가는 삶도 가끔 이렇게 어둡고 답답할 수 있다고)

바닷가에서

2010-10-06T01:41:00.008-04:00

오늘은

맨발로

바닷가를 거닐었습니다

철석이는 파도 소리가

한 번은 하느님의 통곡으로

한 번은 당신의 울음으로 들렸습니다

삶이 피곤하고

기댈 데가 없는 섬이라고

우리가 한 번씩 푸념할 적마다

쓸쓸함의 해초도

더 깊이 자라는 걸 보았습니다

밀물이 들어오며 하는 말

감당 못 할 열정으로

삶을 끌어안아보십시오

썰물이 나가면서 하는 말

놓아버릴 욕심들은

미루지 말고 버리십시오

바다가 모래 위에 엎질러놓은

많은 말을 다 전할 순 없어도

마음에 출렁이는 푸른 그리움을

당신께 선물로 드릴께요

언젠가는 우리 모두

슬픔이 없는 바닷가에서

하얗게 부서지는 파도로

춤추는 물새로 만나는 꿈을 꾸며

큰 바다를 번쩍 들고 왔습니다

- 이해인

송편

2010-08-19T00:12:00.006-04:00

한달이 지나야 추석인데
내 마음은 벌써 추석을 기다리고 있다.
둥그렇게 떠오를 보름달이 몹시 그립다.

이곳은 40여년만에 가장 기온이 낮은 (?) 여름을 지내고 있다고 한다.
아마도 아침 저녁으로 싸늘하게 느껴지는 공기가 나의 기다림에 한 몫을 하고 있는 것 같다.

나는 이웃에 사는 사람의 눈을 한 번도 똑바로 마주쳐 본 적이 없다.
이국 땅에서 혼자 살아가는 지혜라고 배운 것이 점점 나를 무인도로 고립시키고 있는 것이다.
어린시절 시골집에 대문이 있었으나 그 대문은 늘 열려 있었다.

추석이 되면 이웃에 사시는 외할머니까지 가세를 하셔야 송편을 다 만들 수 있었다. 허리가 아파오면 여기 저기서 불평이 쏟아져 나온다. 이 많은 송편을 누가 다 먹느냐고 투덜거린다. 한 말이 되는지 몇 말이 되는지 모를 쌀 반죽은 송편으로 변신하여 가지런히 쟁반에 놓여진다. 송편들은 다시 따뜻한 가마솥 속 채반으로 자리를 옮겨 앉는다. 예쁘게 만들어야 예쁜 딸을 낳는다고 하시며 은근히 예쁘게 만들기를 독려하시는 어머니. 나는 빨리 송편을 끝내기 위해 점점 크게 만들다가 혼나기 일수였다.

송편 만들기를 끝내고 좀 쉬는 시간이 지나면, 이제 심부름 차례다.
얼만큼의 쌀, 양말이나 속옷 세트, 그리고 갖 쪄낸 송편을 싸서
이집 저집 이웃분들에게 나눠주는 심부름을 다녀와야 한다.
송편을 빚고 나면 피곤하기도 했지만
해가 뉘엿뉘엿 저물기 시작하면서 어둑하고 싸늘한 밖으로 나가기 싫었다.

세월이 지나 나만의 무인도에 나를 가두고 나서 돌이켜 보니
어린시절 하기 싫었던 심부름, 함께 송편을 만들었던 일들이
나에게 나눔의 아름다움을 가르쳐준 스승이 되었던 것을 깨닫는다.
나의 어머니는 그것을 아시고 심부름을 시키신 것일까?

심부름 꾸러미를 들고 논두렁을 따라 걷다보면,
저 멀리 저물어가는 저녁노을,
들녁의 퇴비 냄새,
노랗게 익어 고개를 숙이기 시작한 곡식들,
벌레들까지
어느새 자연의 잔치 속에 내가 초대되어진 것을 느꼈다.
무겁게 내딛은 발걸음은 춤을 추고 있다. 라라 라라 랄~라.:ㅇ

하나님은 나에게 아주 좋은 기억거름지를 주신 것 같다.
아린 기억보다 아름답고 향기로운 것들이 나의 오감을 사로잡게 하셨으니 말이다.

어느 봄날

2010-04-30T15:29:00.001-04:00

솔솔 부는 바람에 흔들리는 나무 사이로 파아란 하늘이 손짖을 한다.
함께 춤을 추자고.
하얀 뭉게구름으로 무늬한 그 하늘 치마폭 속에 나를 던지고 싶은 날이다.
오늘은 시와 가곡이 나를 사로잡고 있다.
===
가고파
내 고향 남쪽바다 그 파란 물 눈에 보이네
꿈엔들 잊으리요 그 잔잔한 고향바다

지금도 그 물새들 날으리 가고파라 가고파
어릴 제 같이 놀던 그 동무들 그리워라

어디 간들 잊으리요 그 뛰놀던 고향동무
오늘은 다 무얼하는 고 보고파라 보고파

그 물새 그 동무들 고향에 다 있는데
나는 왜 어이 타가 떠나 살 게 되었는고

온갖 것 다 뿌리치고 돌아갈까 돌아가
가서 한데 얼려 옛날같이 살고지고

내 마음 색동옷 입혀 웃고 웃고 지내고저
그날 그 눈물 없던 때를 찾아가자 찾아가
===

너를 듣는다 / 양현근

2010-04-30T13:39:00.001-04:00

오르기가 참으로 힘들고 가파르지만
정녕 마음준 사람들이 살아
아름다운 이 세상
거친 손 맞잡으면
넉넉한 웃음이 되어
쓸쓸한 길이라도 같이 거닐어

작은 인연
작은 사랑으로도 빛밝은 등불이 되어
저녁연기 잦아드는 강가에서
강심처럼 부풀은 그리움을
풀초롱 사연을
오래도록 얘기하고 싶었네

우리 슬픈 손금 사이
사계절을 늘푸른 나무로 서서
하냥 짓밟혀도 불끈 일어서는
독새풀처럼
억새풀처럼 살고자 했네

다가가면 다가갈수록
흐릿한 바램으로
빛고운 날들이 저만치 지나가고
그립다 할 수 없어
가까이 갈 수는 더 더욱 없어

노오란 가슴 가득 너를 듣는다
느낌표 같은 발자국만 남겨두고.

벗꽃

2010-02-21T14:44:00.008-05:00

*Note: This picture is from the Internet

파아란 하늘에 맑아진 호수는

하늘에 있는 것들과 땅에 있는 것들을 담고 있었다.

고개를 돌려보니

나의 어둠을 하늘로 다 올려보내려

얼굴을 들고 있는 벗꽃들과 눈이 맞았다.

여린 꽃잎으로 어떻게 이 무거운 짐을 지려나.

나무껍질을 뚫고 나와
꽃봉오리를 맺으려면 얼마나 큰 시련을 견뎠으랴.

그것은 부활의 힘이다.
죽음을 딛고 일어선 부활은
아름다운 꽃으로 피어났다.

편지

2009-12-29T17:23:00.007-05:00

설날 아침
때때옷을 기다리던
설레임으로
눈을 뜬다.

잠든 사이
편지들은 날아와
자리를 틀었다.

이메일 박스를
살짝 열어본다.

마음의 편지는
영원한 잠에 빠져있다고
어둠은 속삭인다.

마음을
아침 햇살에 들켰다.

나보고
사랑의 편지를
온 세상에 보내라 한다.

"The Lost Get Found" - Britt Nicole

2009-08-14T14:20:00.003-04:00

Hello my friend
I remember when you were
So alive with your wide eyes
Then the light that you had in your heart was stolen
Now you say that it ain't worth stayin'
You wanna run but you're hesitatin'
I'm talkin' to me

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
'Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

So when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it?
There's a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it
There's a girl on the streets, she's cryin'
There's a man whose faith is dyin'
Love is calling you

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
'Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
'Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
(Stand out)
Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out
(Stand out)
'Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

So when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it?
There's a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it

Casting Crowns - Praise You In This Storm

2009-04-03T11:48:00.001-04:00

Casting Crowns - Praise You In This Storm

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

Chorus:
I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
Every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry
You raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

Chorus:

(2x’s)
I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The maker of Heaven and Earth

Chorus:

Enough Light for the Next Step

2009-01-22T22:18:00.003-05:00

"When we are able to take the next step with the trust that we will have enough light for the step that follows, we can walk through life with joy and be surprised at how far we go."
- from Bread for the Journey by Henri J. M. Nouwen.

I am praying that God gives me wisdom to be satisfied with little light.

풀꽃/나태주

2008-12-09T02:15:00.005-05:00

자세히 보아야
예쁘다
오래 보아야
사랑스럽다
너도 그렇다

나는 가끔 들에 핀 작은 풀꽃들의 아름다움에 반해 한참을 쭈그리고 앉아 있는다. 오래 전 후배가 교회게시판에 올린 이 시를 보는 순간 너무 반가웠다. 명화(명작)는 오래 자꾸 볼수록 좋아지는 것이 명화라 한다. 풀꽃은 하나님의 명화인 것이다. 하나님의 명작중의 마지막 명작은 인간이었다....

New place

2008-10-04T21:08:00.008-04:00

It's been long time since I posted here. Many things have happened so far, though they are not big deals. There are pros and cons to live in California. If someone asks me "how do you like California", I will say I am missing East-Coast (people and seasons). I and my coworkers traveled to Washington D.C. in July. People asked us about the weather in California. My mentor told them there is no weather in California. I totally agreed with him. There is no weather here. Everyday seems same. During the Washington D.C. trip, I visited friends and my cousin in Virgina and Philadelphia. I had to drive quite a lot. But it was awesome to drive on and see those green highways. I like flowers in Spring, colorful leaves in Autumn, snow and chilly air in Winter. I am trying to appreciate for things and people around me. There is no doubt that it is a blessing for me to live this life. At the end of August, I moved into a new apartment which locates next to this Ryan Park in Foster City. Sometimes after dinner, I walk around this lake. Yes, this is a beautiful lake. I am thankful for living in this environment.

a new song that I like it.

2008-04-02T20:24:00.003-04:00

Navigation: P \ Phillips, Craig And Dean \ Your Grace Still Amazes Me

My faithful Father, enduring Friend
Your tender mercy’s like a river with no end
It overwhelms me, covers my sin
Each time I come into Your presence
I stand in wonder once again

CHORUS:
Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees
Your grace still amazes me
‘Cause Your grace still amazes me

Oh, patient Saviour, You make me whole
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul
What can I give You, Lord, what can I say
I know there’s no way to repay You
Only to offer You my praise

It’s deeper, it’s wider
It’s stronger, it’s higher
It’s deeper it’s wider
It’s stronger, it’s higher
than anything my eyes can see

Indian Curry (Shrimp)

2008-04-01T00:17:00.003-04:00

1. saute the chapped onions with olive oil
2. add two TBS curry powder and chili source
3. add fish source and Lime juice (I used one and half Limes)
4. add 2/3 cup of coconut milk and 1/2 cup of water
5. add potato, tobu, tomato, any vegetables that I want. (This can be removed, but I like vegetables.)
6. boil it for some time
7. add shrimp and cilantro and boil it until it's done

I loved my friend's shrimp curry. I asked her to release her recipe for a while. Finally I got it a couple of days ago. I tried it. I like the taste I made. To remember the recipe, I leave it here with a picture. From now on, I will try to cook this curry in different ways.

칼국수 (KaalGookSoo)

2008-02-23T01:32:00.011-05:00

회사 일이 늦어졌다. 9시가 다되어 퇴근했는데 밥이 없었다 (ㅋㅋ). 오랜만에 칼국수를 끓여먹기로 하고 냉동실에 있는 칼국수와 만두를 따로 삶았다. 칼국수가 삶아지는 동안 야채 (배추, 중국브로컬리, 토마토, 양파)를 살짝 볶았다 (소금간을 약간 해서). 이렇게 준비된 칼국수, 새우와 볶은 야채를 냄비에 넣고 물을 넣어 조금 더 끓인다. 영양과 단백한 맞을 더하기 위해 달걀도 풀었다. 앗! 중요한 야채를 빼먹었다. 매운 풋고추. 애채를 볶을 때 함께 넣어도 되고 마지막 살짝 끓일 때 넣어도 된다. 국물 간을 보니 약간 싱겁고 심심.... 나의 비밀 무기가 있다. 한국에서 가져온 새우젖. 시골집에서 필수품이다. 해마다 엄마가 담그신다. 모든 가족이 다 좋아한다. 이 때 이 새우젖 국물을 조금 넣어 간을 맞춘다. 10분이면 준비가 끝난다. 음... 너무 맞있어 사진을 찍었다. 담백한 맞을 좋아하면 맞 보장함 (자화자찬 :-)). 약간 실패라면 만두를 넣지 말았어야 했다. 배가고파 중국장에서 산 만두를 넣었는데 칼국수의 담백한 맞에 비해 너무 느끼한 듯. 하나만 건저먹고 따로 뺐다. 어제 밤에 막내 여동생이 꿈에 나타났다. 전화통화 하면서 눈물이 나와서 혼났다 (갑자기 보고싶어져서...). 이 매콤 담백한 칼국수를 먹으며 그리움을 함께 삼켜야 했다. 우리는 대가족이다. 부모님 그리고 오남매. 나는 그 중의 둘째. 나를 제외한 모든 형제 자매들이 결혼해서 조카들까지 17명. 온 가족이 해외 여행을 해야 한다면 18장의 비행기 티캣이 필요하다. 내가 꼽을 수 있는 축복중의 하나가 가족이다. 각자 본인의 자리에서 최선을 다하면서 살아간다. 보통의 한국 국민들이 가지고 있는 고민들을 끓어안고 (애들 교육은 어떻게 하나^^). 가끔 난 부모님께 가볍게 질문한다. 다섯이나 어떻게 이렇게 키우셨냐고. 그럼 이구동성으로 우리가 키운게 아니라 너네가 잘 커준거야라고 말씀하신다. 이 세상에 그냥 저절로 커주는 아이가 어디 있을까? 다들 허물이 있지만 그 허물 때문에 우리는 서로를 더 좋아한다 (동병상련). 나는 우리 가족을 생각하면서 교회를 생각한다. 부모님과 나와의 관계 그리고 그분들의 내리 사랑을 보며 하나님의 사랑을 더 깊게 느낀다. 교회는 그리스도의 몸이다. 완벽히 율법을 지키는 사람들이 아니라 다 허물이 있었기에 하나님 앞에 용기 있게 나온 사람들. 그 용기마저도 그분에게서 받았다고 나는 고백한다. 그러기에 우리는 서로를 아프지만 감사하며 품는다. 칼국수와 함께한 묵상....

Cooking with Salmon

2008-02-20T02:44:00.005-05:00

This works for any fish fillet.
Source: 4T soy source (or salt), cooking wine, sugar (syrup)
Vegetables: 4 garlic (cut or smash), 2 spicy chili, 1/2 onion. (Today I added 1 Zucchini)
This is very simple, but works well. Just mix them together and boil until the fish and vegetables are done. When I go grocery shopping, fish fillet and shrimp are my mandatory items. Whenever I am run out of ideas, simply cook and enjoy the taste. Since I am from the west sea side of South Korea, I love sea food. This is perfect for me.

Nice, France

2007-10-03T03:11:00.000-04:00

I had an opportunity to travel Nice in France. I forgot to bring swiming clothes there (^^). But there are many people like me wearing just jean and sneakers. After the conference, I had one and half day to enjoy Nice. I just was lying down on the beach and enjoyed the blue sky and sound from waves. In Nice, most of the buildings and houses have yellow roof and wall. They also have very similar window structure too with hanging laundries. Since Monaco locates about 20 mintues by train from Nice, I spent half day to explore Monaco with friends (I would like to say this way) from Hungary. As most people know, there is an interesting story related to USA (Grace Kelly, actor and Princes of Monaco ). It is a very small country which has only three cities, surrounded by beautiful Mediterranean sea.

Leaving

2007-08-03T23:28:00.005-04:00

Two weeks later, I will be in a different place. I have gotten used to wake up with a song of birds outside the window. I will move out into a place that honking sound will be my new alarm in the morning.

While walking through this path, each moment was a mixture of joy and pain. I remember how awful I was in the first class of my adviser. He was telling us the class activity (ask questions interactively) will be a major portion of the class grade. I am not a person to ask questions actively though I have some doubt. I met one of my close friends in another class during the first semester. We sit next to each other. I could not understand the class materials (bio-informatics). Biology was my favorite subject when I was a high school student. After that, I never touched any word from biology, even in Korean. My friend was writing something on her notebook. I asked her how she understood the class well. Her answer made me feel very released. She was trying to write down something since she could not understand at all.

My first roommate loved cooking. Whenever she got stressed, she came back home early and cooked something special. I often got sick. Then she made a special soup which looked like SHIB-JEON-DAE-BO-TANG. We cried out together and prayed for each other. Interestingly, now she is attending a second generation Korean church though she is not Korean.

In the first life group meeting (small group in Calvary Baptist Church), we all members started introducing ourselves, which was a full of crying and turned out to be a full of blessings.

It's painful for me to leave them, but I will keep them in my heart forever.

기다림 (용혜원시)

2007-05-28T19:27:00.000-04:00

용혜원 詩

삶이 있는 곳에는
어디나 기다림이 있네.

우리네 삶은 시작부터
기다리고 있다는 말로 위로 받고
기다려 달라는 부탁하며 살아가네.
봄을 기다림이
꽂으로 피어나고
가을을 기다림이
탐스런 열매로 익어가듯

삶의 계절은
기다림은 고통, 멋, 그리움이지 않은가?
기다림은 생명, 희망이지.

우리네 삶은 기다림의 연속인데
어느 날인가?
기다릴 이유가 없을 때
떠나는 것이 아닌가?

우리네 가슴은 일생을 두고
기다림에 설레이는 것

기다릴 이유가 있다는 것
기다릴 사람이 있다는 것
그것은 행복한 우리들의 이야기가 아닌가?
====

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps" [Proverbs 16:9]

Chris Tomlin - How Can I Keep From Singing

2007-03-23T22:58:00.000-04:00

Last year, I traveled Canada with a friend. She was surprised at me because I just listened some CDs multiple times. Exactly saying, I had only a few CDs in my car and driving took fourteen hours. She said she could not do that. For me, if there is a song touching me, I want to listen repeatedly. "How can I keep from singing" is the song that I repeatedly listen these days. it encourages me a lot.
=============================
Chris Tomlin - How Can I Keep From Singing
From the album See the Morning

There is an endless song
Echoes in my soul
I hear the music ring

And though the storms may come
I am holding on
To the rock I cling

Chorus:
How can I keep from singing Your praise
How can I ever say enough
How amazing is Your love
How can I keep from shouting Your name
I know I am loved by the King
And it makes my heart want to sing

I will lift my eyes
In the darkest night
For I know my Savior lives

And I will walk with You
Knowing You'll see me through
And sing the songs You give

Chorus:

I can sing in the troubled times
Sing when I win
I can sing when I lose my step
And fall down again
I can sing 'cause You pick me up
Sing 'cause You're there
I can sing 'cause You hear me, Lord
When I call to You in prayer
I can sing with my last breath
Sing for I know
That I'll sing with the angels
And the saints around the throne

Chorus:

The Road not Taken - a poem by Robert Frost

2007-03-18T00:33:00.000-04:00

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

The Road not Taken
Robert Frost

Mother - a giving tree

2007-03-06T19:03:00.000-05:00

Last week, I was on the phone talking to my mother. That day, I missed her SO SO much. My father may be the person who knows her in every aspect. I only know partially. There are many things (uncountable) that make me to adore her. Today I want to think about one special thing that I want to learn from her. Sometimes, I complained this, but more wanted to follow. She has completely trusted me such that she left me alone to make a decision and do things by myself. I have to choose what I like and have to do. I envied friends since their mother took care of everything. Later I realized how positively this has affected me. I become a person who is very independent. My advisor sometimes described me as a very independent student. I don't know how people think when they heard this. I agree with his evaluation. This is from my mother's discipline on me. It is very difficult to trust your kids completely and let them make their own decision. I am feeling that there are no enough blank papers to tell everything who my mother is and how she has lived her life. She is a giving tree. There is no ending to give her away for us. Now she becomes weak physically, but I can see the beauty of the sunset from her, most beautifully coloring the whole earth. Now I want to ask her what she wants, but she may say "wherever(whatever) you like to go (do), you go (do)." She is always in my prayer. Mom, I love you and miss you so much... :-)

Forgive

2007-01-23T19:53:00.000-05:00

Recently, I have been involved and heard a variety of other’s relationship issues. The relationship of parents has a big impact on their children. There are some people around me who are struggling with this impact and a lot of wounded people out there. I think that a human being is the most complicated creature to comprehend. I am much more interested in understanding and helping people than addressing some technical issues related to Computer Science, though I like what I am doing (☺). One thing that recently strikes my head is about forgiveness. The fact that I have someone to forgive implicates that I have gotten hurt. Furthermore, the longer I struggle, the deeper the wound gets. Forgiving someone is the first step to deal with this deep wound such as removing a tumor from our body. It superficially seems to be good for the one who is forgiven. However, I think that the person forgiving the other is the very first person to get the benefit of forgiveness. Besides, this is not it. As new flesh comes out and molds the place that the tumor is removed, new good relationship will help to heal the wound completely. Unless the tumor is removed, it is difficult to expect that it may get naturally recovered. And let's be courageous to dive into new relationship!
(The picture is from "www.weather.com")

what I have/achieved or who I am?

2007-01-21T19:27:00.000-05:00

Finally, Winter comes here in January. I missed this cold air which pierces through to the bone. This cold air also refreshes my nerve to be awake and aware of where I am. ...... I want to finish this journey, but I am feeling that nothing is fulfilled. I have worked all the way and tried not to be lazy. I have reminded myself how precious this moment is. After all these tough seasons, I don't feel it's ready to wrap up. In general, people said that the output or the result is not as important as the process. However, even in the Bible, it is written "That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil- this is the gift of God." [Ecclesiastes 3:13] I know one reason which causes me to feel this way. I have a kind of high standard. But it's natural to expect something enough from all the efforts. Then what has been wrong? Did I set my heart to the wrong direction? Many people around me have the same word for this "Hang on" and "Perseverance." Now, I remember words in Romans "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Compared to other people in miserable situations, I have more than enough. So whenever I think about what I have and what I achieved, I cannot be satisfied. I need to return to the being issue, who I am. I need to see my inner self and try to find a deepest calling.

First Night® State College!

2006-12-31T21:32:00.000-05:00

" First Night®State College is a family oriented, alcohol free, art and music centered community New Year's celebration which will take place in downtown State College, Pennsylvania and on adjacent University Park campus of The Pennsylvania State University on December 31, 2006. "(http://www.firstnightstatecollege.com/)
This year could be the last chance to see this event. My roommate suggested to go out to take a look. There were not many people and it was not that cold outside (though I felt cold^^), which was causing the ice scuWlptures to melt. Although we only looked at about 10-12 ice sculptures on Allen Street, they were very pretty.
A few hours later, it will be 2007. I am very nervous to welcome 2007, but... I am deeply breathing to do welcome 2007.
Good Bye 2006....

Stuffs

2006-12-19T22:40:00.000-05:00

There are several stuffs which have been with me for five years.
TV: At TAMU and PSU, I didn't have an English conversation partner. Almost every international student might have. Unfortunately, no one wanted to be my conversation partner (Maybe I am too old to be their friend :-( ). So, I designated (:-)) my TV as my English teacher. Everyday, I watched some series, mostly family, ESPN, or CNN news while having Dinner. It's a pretty good solution.

Chair: Long time ago, I hiked a mountain alone and got hurt on my back. After this accident, I continuously had a back problem. I decided to spend some money (big money compared to other stuffs) on buying this chair. I couldn't abandon this chair when I moved here from Texas. But I am thinking to give this to someone who needs. I found the person who may need.

Vacuum: Different from my country, most aprtment floors are carpetted, which makes people lazy (^^). It's not easy to realize how dirty the floor is. One guy stronly recommended to buy an expensive vacuum cleaner with a good reason. Mine has been working well for five years to keep my room floor clean. When I clean my room, I am surprised at the status. There are so many tiny things stick to the carpet which cannot be recognized from a distance. This reminds me of thinking about having some separate time to reflect myself frequently.

Comforter: I have been with my comforter most of time because I like sleeping and have to sleep enough compared to others. Whenever I am tired, I lie on my bed with my comforter, have a rest, and get some energy. One of my dreams is to become a person like a comforter. What does this mean? I want to be a person who deeply understands others and to be there for them. This motivates me to be more adventurous in life since I believe that I can embrace more people as I go through more different, often difficult, experiences.

Audio: Without alarm, I cannot wake up by myself. However, I don't like the usual alarm sound. I bought this audio as my alarm. I just set time to get up and a radio channel or a music. Then this starts playing and wakes me up slowly and softly with a nice music.

Car: The most expensive property that I have is my car. I was thinking if I didn't get assistanship I might sell this car. I am happy to keep this til now. I prayed a lot inside this car. Hence, this is the most precious pet for me. On deciding to change school, I ventured to drive from Texas to here, although I never drove more than three hours. It took about 28 hours. It was a great experience to learn the secret of life. Last day of driving, I got tired, but I decided to drive continuously to get to the destination ASAP. I drove fourteen hours with ten minute break to feed myself(^^) and my car. I was feeling like choked. I didn't give up and made it. Often, I reflect the past inside this. Here, my car is used for helping people, including me(^^), to go to Church, go shopping, and travel. Wherever I go, this comes with me, as a friend. We have been Canada (Ottawa, Montreal, and Quebec city), Virginia, Washington DC, NewJersey, Niagara, Ithaca, New York, and Philadelphia. I wish I go to Main State and Boston as my Eastcost exploration.

Stranger

2006-12-08T13:37:00.000-05:00

Have you ever felt you are a stranger? Who can say "no"? Even when I was in my country, sometimes I abruptly felt everything is not familar and I am a stranger. However, after coming here, I continuously question myself if I can live here as home, i.e., I want to spend the
rest of my life here. This is a matter of people, I think. If there are people I want to commit myself, I may go there. Where is the place I may go? This is my question and prayer these days.

A store without anyone watching ( two months ago)

2006-11-27T18:12:00.000-05:00

내가 늘 필라델피아를 찾았는데 이 때는 언니랑 형부께서 Penn's cave에 가보고 싶으시다고 누추한 내 자취방을 찾으셨다. 한 방에 옹기종기, MT온 것 같이 이틀밤을 주무시고 가셨다. 가지고 있는 것이 없었으나 그것을 풍요롭게 느껴주시는 언니랑 형부가 감사할 뿐이다. Penn's cave에서 돌아오는 길. 언니는 야채가게만 있으면 들르고 싶어하신다. 잠시 들른 이 야채 가게. 옥수수를 말려 걸어놓은 것이 시골 어린시절 처마에 걸어놓았던 옥수수를 생각나게 했다. 한 참을 고르고, 주인장을 찾으니 아무도 나타나지 않는 것이다. 포기하고 나가려는데, 작은 상자가 귀퉁이에 있는 것이다. 원하는 만큼 가져가고 돈은 이 박스에 넣어달라는 메세지와 함께. 시골길에 이렇게 가지런히 정리해 놓고, 손님들의 양심에 맞긴 주인을 한 번 보고싶었다. 우리는 커다란 호박을 몇개 사가지고 왔다. 너무 인상적이어서 사진에 담아왔다.
.....
보이지 않는 대상에 대한 믿음....

A story of a kidney bean and a girl...

2006-11-27T09:55:00.000-05:00

This story was in the textbook when I was a second or third grade elementary student (I don't remember exactly).
===
There was a girl who was seriously sick. She had to be inside her room always. Once upon a time, she pulled out window drapes. It was a very sunny day. She found a kidney bean stuck in her window. After several days later, a small green leaf came out of the kidney bean. As time passed, the leaf grew and covered her window. The story was ended with a good conclusion that the girl was recovered from her illness due to the hope of life that one kidney bean stuck in her window showed..
===
Long time later, I just remembered this story. There are many people who were my kidney beans to give me the hope of life. Before I became a christian, I felt that I might be a thrown-out kidney bean, i.e., I am nothing (not now). ..........
Sometimes, I don't know how/why/for what I am here.
However, now I have a dream to be a kidney bean for someone wherever I go.

Life is too short, not because of myself, but because of people around me

2006-11-19T14:03:00.000-05:00

A few days ago, I wished that this year would be over as soon as possible. Continuous bad news stroke me. This year, two people (a friend and a relative) died although they are not old, but even young and kid. Last year, one of my friend passed away because of a health problem. All of these things made me think about life. No one knows when I will finish my life. I got hurt so much. Even worse, nothing looked like in my side. Again, these events are teaching me that life is too short to be obsessed by stuffs which are temporary. Then what will be forever? The life relationship with people will be .... When someone died, I am keeping, in my heart, him or her alive, not stuffs that (s)he left behind. I am thinking of people around me. If today or tomorrow is my last day, there are many people to whom I should ask their forgiveness and many people to whom I want to show my love. This (forgive me and love you) will be my last word.

A sermon (long long time ago)

2006-11-11T12:54:00.000-05:00

===
We have not stopped praying for you since the first day we heard about you. In fact, we always pray that God will show you everything he wants you to do and that you may have all the wisdom and understanding that his Spirit gives.
Then you will live a life that honors the Lord, and you will always please him by doing good deeds. You will come to know God even better. His glorious power will make you patient and strong to endure anything, and you will be truely happy.
I pray that you will be grateful to God for letting you have a part in what he has promised his people in the kingdom of light. God rescued us from the dark power of Satan and brought us into the kingdom of his dear son. [Colossians 1:9-13]
===

Our hearts were designed to find satisfaction in the accomplishment of purpose.

Driving

2006-11-04T18:11:00.000-05:00

Last Saturday (Oct. 28), I left home in the early morning. It was rainy from Friday. I got a little bit nervousness with no reason. My itinerary was to visit James Rhee's family during weekend and then go to Alexandria, VA. Right after taking 322 East, my nervousness went away. The view before me was out of my imagination. It was too beautiful to say a word. It was full of awe. Clouds were sleeping under the Nittany mountain. I almost tried to say "Wake up! The Sun is rising!". Driving always teaches me a lession. When I looked at the beautiful dawn, I wanted to be there still by holding the time. But it's impossible. The moment and view pass by me while driving. This is the lesson that I learned. Something beautiful moment that I wanted to hold is passing quickly as something painful is also going away soon. However, these moments (especially beautiful moments) are inscribed in my heart deeply.

Touching story

2006-10-25T20:16:00.000-04:00

Last week, I received this e-mail from Bill who is our life group leader. ( I call him uncle Bill to my friends)
I was touched by this story. This story is similar to my thought about the glass art. I am questioning myself "How much am I reflecting his image through me?"
====
Malachi 3:3 says: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver."

This verse puzzled some women in a Bible Study and they wondered what
this statement meant about the Character and Nature of God.
One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and
get back to the group at their next Bible Study.

That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to
watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her
interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.

As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire
and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to
hold the silver i n the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest
as to burn away all the impurities.

The w oman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she
thought again about the verse that says:
"He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver."

She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in
front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man
answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but
he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the
fire. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flames, it would
be destroyed.

The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How
do you know when the silver is fully refined?"

He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's easy -- when I see my image
in it."

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His
eye on you and will keep watching you un til He sees His image in you.
====

Foot steps (from my old personal web)

2006-10-08T16:47:00.000-04:00

I became a Christian in 1988. During that time I was a life wanderer. I was desperately seeking the true meaning of life. I couldn’t love myself (believe or not). I felt that heavy rain was falling in my heart. To find out the answer of life, we need to go and ask HIM who created us. Why did you create me? I remember a chair story. A carpenter made three different chairs with different purposes. He put one chair in the library of a university, the second chair in a restaurant, and the third one in a bar which is sailors’ favorite. Years later, the last chair felt bad and thought itself useless since others look so noble and well managed. So the last chair asked the carpenter for what he created it and why he didn’t put it in a restaurant or a library. He said that you are created for comforting sailors who are very tired because of long travel and labor. Finally, the last chair realized how important it is for sailors.

I have been a member of Youseong Church from 1988. I learned and found many deep secrets (relationship with GOD, myself, and others) of GOD from this church which GOD started and is still making it more strong. "For we except you is our hope or happiness or crown of pride in the presence of our Lord. For you are our glory and joy."[Thessalonians 2 2:19-20] This phrase is a part of letter that Paul wrote to Thessalonians. I really want to say this phrase to YouSeong Church members. I can say “I really love you, YouSeong Church members, in JESUS"

I have attended Calvary Baptist church from 2002. I joined a life group (we call “international life group” since members are from different countries) led by Bill Saxton who is a minister at the Penn. State University. It is a big blessing to be a member of CB and international life group.

Catching a moment of Fall

2006-10-07T20:59:00.000-04:00

Trees are changing their clothes as yellow and red. I grew up in a small town that is in the west coast of South Korea. Now my memory goes there quickly and drives me to be with friends, playing on the mountain and in the sea. Everything was my toy. There was a very small mountain which was big enough for us to play. On that mountain, there was a small cave. I used this to hide myself from the world. When I was an elementary student, I had to watch over fields to prevent sparrows from eating up rice. I mostly spent on lying on back and looking at the blue sky, imagining floating all over the world, instead of watching sparrows :-). The experiences that I had in my home town are my good friends whenever I am feeling alone. Coming back to now and here, part of the bike road is blanketed with pine tree leaves, yellow. I smell those. These remind me of my childhood at hometown.

in between Summer and Fall

2006-10-05T00:44:00.000-04:00

I really love Fall.
I can see and feel the secret. When I was a college student, there was a big maple tree at the corner of an engineering department building. Whenever I wanted to be alone, I went there under the yellow tree and with a yellow maple leaves blanket. I am not sure that maple tree is still there. One day I took a picture of this on the way to school in the foggy morning, thinking the color may get changed soon. Every moment is the first and last chance to us. It seems to come back again, but it never happens.
There is unique beauty at every moment.
I am in between Summer and Fall (Someone may laugh at if I say this). I wish to have special beauty of life at this time.

prayer 2

2006-09-06T09:59:00.000-04:00

Prayer is a conversation with GOD.
Suppose that I have a friend who has great personality and warm heart. Whenever I talk to that person, I may feel secure, free and comfortable.
Even further, I can find myself through him or her very well.
Sometimes, the person helps me to redirect my view toward the problem that I am facing.
This is exactly what is going to happen when I pray.

When we pray, we meet GOD personally and get touched by his love.
AND I AM CHANGING.

In the middle of life storms

2006-08-27T14:03:00.001-04:00

Here is a question that Pastor Dan wrote in the welcome note "If we could only choose one - which would you choose. God's power or God's presence?"
He also cited a short story by Kim from The Christian Woman magazine which is as follows:
"One night, while my young son, Ryan, was sleeping, a storm began brewing outside. After a loud clap of thunder, I heard Ryan wake up and run to find me, so I headed toward his room to comfort him. When I tucked him back into bed, he asked me to stay with him until he fell asleep. As I lay there with him, I realized Ryan had not asked me to make the storm go away, instead he had asked me to stay with him."
I read this before Dan start today's sermon. It's a simple story, but touched my heart.
The sermon is about what we can do in the middle of storm. God keeps telling us
HE is a refuge, shelter and rock that we can rest and depend.
There may be a lot of people in life storms which I couldn't imagine.

I wrote a similar note on a page of my NIV bible.
I don't remember why I did write and post the following note on my bible.
"Faith to JESUS and GOD,
1. Do I believe all aspects of Jesus Christ? (power, love, his human personality, and so on)
2. 하나님이 어떤 능력을 보여주시지 않는다고 나의 믿음은 흔들리는가? 흔들리고 있다면 나는 무엇을 믿어왔나? 그분의 능력을? 그분의 사랑을?
"
Maybe I myself questioned my faith to him and encouraged myself to follow him, not because of his power, but because of his love and presence.
Dan also gave one more question- Can life storm draw us from God or drive us to God?

I hope life storm can draw everybody to God.

- related scriptures
Matthew 14:22-33
2 Samual 22:2-3
Psalm 46:1-2
Psalm 62:5-6

someone can help you to find yourself

2006-08-22T17:23:00.000-04:00

If we have this person, we are blessed.
Otherwise, we are blind to find ourselves as we know well.
Don't be afraid when you face someone who challenges you a lot.
Just face and listen what they are talking.
With faith in GOD,

Prayer

2006-08-15T09:59:00.000-04:00

This morning, I thought about "prayer".
When I meet a person first time, the conversation is very limited to asking some questions or talking about headline news.
On the other hand, I talk to close friends most of things and feelings.
Prayer is a conversation with GOD who is my savior, friend, and father.
Although I have so many things to talk to HIM, I don't.
Sometimes I just talk to GOD things, but I don't allow him to respond to me, by leaving the conversation.
I want to learn to talk everything to him first, and then wait for his response more and more.
What keeps me from talking to HIM?

Art Festival

2006-08-12T21:48:00.000-04:00

이곳에 열리는 큰 행사중 하나를 꼽으라면 어린이날 시작하는 Art Festival (www.arts-festival.com/)이다.
미국 전역에서 작품들을 가지고 예술가들이 참여한다. 작은 타운이 온통
전시 booth들로 가득차고, 볼거리들이 가는 곳마다 기다리고 있다.
나는 2년전 코닝에 다녀오면서 유리작품에 관심을 가지게 되었다.
3000도가 넘는 화덕에서 불순물들이 다 걸러지고, 녹여진 순수한 유리 물질은
예술가의 디자인대로 이리 저리 돌리고, 불어주면 아주 예쁜 꽃병이 만들어진다. (자세히는 모름^^)
나의 인생에 시련이 없으면 나는 나의 부족함을 인식하지 못할 것이며,
걸러지지 않은 모난 모습들이 섞여 무엇인지 모를 돌덩이로 남아있게 될 뿐이다.
순간마다 어려움 앞에 두렵지만 한 발을 내딛는 길을 선택할 수 있는 힘을 주시길 기도한다.
- July 12, 2006

백합꽃 꽁치조림

2006-08-12T20:52:00.000-04:00

백합꽃 꽁치조림.
백합꽃으로 마무리 장식을 하는 것이 아니라 정말 푹~ 졸일 때 이 백합꽃을 넣는다.
작년 겨울 사촌언니가 해주신 꽁치 조림.
뭔지 모르게 맛있는게 씹혀서 물어봤다.
lily flower!
정말 맛있게 먹었다. 8월초에 언니가 이것 저것 싸주시면서 꽁치 캔과 이 백합꽃 한 봉지를 넣어주셨다. 오늘은 토요일. 뭘 먹어야할지 생각하다 이 기이한 요리(^^)를 언니의 레서피대로 해보기로 했다.
재료: 꽁치 캔(1), 백합꽃 1/2 봉지, 매운 풋고추 3개, 고추가루 1 수저, 양파 1 & 1/2, 간장, 마늘, 생강.
삶은 백합꽃에 야채(양파 & 풋고추)를 썰어넣고, 꽁치캔, 고추가루, 간장양념, 나머지 재료들을 넣고 끓인다. 정말 간단한 레서피 맘에 든다. 맛이 어떨지 궁금했다. 맛보기 전 요리한 사진을 찍었다.
음~음~
상추는 장식이 아니다. 언니와 나는 야채를 좋아한다. 상추에 백합꽃과 꽁치를 적당히 싸서 먹는게 언니와 나의 방식 :-)

A short tip in our daily life

2006-08-12T18:34:00.000-04:00

Our daily life is not determined by what happened, but by our reaction to what happened.
- K-LOVE

좋아하는 찬양 #1 (Voice of Truth)

2006-08-12T12:12:00.000-04:00

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
on to the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name
And they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes
to stand before a giant
With just a sling and a stone

Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name
And he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again. "Boy you'll never win!"
"You'll never win!"

Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
On top of them lookin' down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me

Chorus:
But the Voice of Truth tells me a different story
The Voice of Truth says, "Do not be afraid!"
And the Voice of Truth says, "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe-

I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
I will listen and believe
Cause Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you, you are-

- Casting Crown

가을(Fall)

2006-08-12T10:48:00.000-04:00

무엇으로 우리는 가장 먼저 가을을 느끼나?
8월 초 이곳 동부에 더위가 몇일 기승을 부렸다. 너무 덥고 습해서 뉴욕 일부지역에서는 전기도 나갔었다고 한다. 페이퍼 끝내고 이 더울 때 나는 필라델피아 언니집을 찾았다.
한국에 있을 때 고향을 찾듯이 나는 사촌언니를 향해 갈 때면 늘 향수를 느낀다.
인터넷과 단절된 곳에서,
적절한 온도, 아름다운 음악, 시, 그리고 쾌적한 분위기.
나는 해변을 부러워하지 않는다. 이 하루는 깊은 휴식이었다.
이 더위가 얼마나 갈지... 생각할 겨를도 없이 하루 이틀 뒤, 아침 저녁 기온이
20도를 넘지 않는 상쾌한 날씨다.
낮에는 곡식을 여물게 할 따사로운 햇살.
이것이 가을의 첫 신호가 아닐까 한다.
달이 바뀌고 계절이 바뀌며 해가 간다.
점점 인생의 무게를 더해가면서...

듣기

2006-08-09T01:08:00.000-04:00

막내 동생 결혼식을 계기로 한국에 다녀왔다 (2005년 3월에).
선영&군묵과 함께 학교 도서관 앞에서 커피를 마시노라니 학부 때 생각, GRE 공부하러 회사 퇴근 후 도서관에 왔던 기억들이 주마등처럼 지나갔다. 몇년 전부터 미대에서 도서관 앞에 작품을 전시하기 시작하면서 전시회는 하나의 볼거리로 자리잡은 것 같다. 올 해에 전시된 조각품들 중 큰 귀가 눈길을 끌어 가까이 가서 사진을 찍었다.
우리가 말하기 전에 상대방의 이야기를 들어주기를 배워야 함을 시사하는 작품이었다.
"내 사랑하는 형제들아 너희가 알거니와 사람마다 듣기는 속히 하고 말하기는 더디 하며 성내기도 더디 하라 "[야고보서1:19]
듣기는 인내와 사랑을 요구한다.

윌리엄

2006-08-09T00:58:00.000-04:00

윌은 연구실(NSRC) 메이트들 중 내가 좋아하는 미국 친구다.
처음에 수업을 같이 듣게되었지만 수업시간에 말을 걸어본 적은 한 번도 없다.
우연히 프린트물을 찾으러 대학원랩에 들렀다가 내가 먼저 아는척을 했다.
그 이후로 여러번 마주쳤다.
시간이 흘러 윌도 내가 속한 센터에 있게 되었다.
일주일간 컨퍼런스 참석하느라 윌이 자리를 비운 사이, 다른 미국친구들이 "웰컴홈!" 선물로
책상, 의자, 그리고 화장지박스까지 호일로 포장했다.
기념으로 한 방....

민들레(dandelion)

2006-08-09T00:40:00.000-04:00

이해인수녀님의 "민들레의 영토"란 시집을 언니로부터 그리고 친구로부터 생일 선물을 받았다.
이 시는 나의 시가 되었다.
4월 이곳(State College)에는 긴 겨울잠을 깨고
민들레가 들녘에 노랗게 핀다. 한 꽃 같지만 많은 꽃들이 함께 피어나 한 송이 꽃으로 보인다. 뿌리는 땅속 깊이 1미터까지도 내린다고 한다.
---- 민들레 영토 ----

기도는 나의 음악
가슴 한 복판에 꽂아 놓은
사랑은 단하나의
성스러운 깃발.

태초부터 나의 영토는
좁은 길이었다 해도
고독의 진주를 깨며
내가 꽃으로 피어나야 할 땅

애처로이 쳐다보는
인정의 고움도
나는 싫어

바람이 스쳐가며
노래를 하면
푸른 하늘에게 피리를 불었지.

태양에 쫓기어
활활 타다 남은 저녁놀에
저렇게 긴 강이 흐른다.

노오란 내 가슴이
하얗게 여위기 전
그이는 오실까

당신의 맑은 눈물
내 땅에 떨어지면
바람에 날려보낼
기쁨의 꽃씨

흐려오는 세월의 눈시울에
원색의 아픔을 씹는
내 조용한 숨소리

보고 싶은 얼굴이여.

- 이해인

캐나다 여행

2006-08-09T00:18:00.000-04:00

미국에 온지 어느덧 5년이란 세월이 지나고 있다.
계절의 여왕 5월. 바쁜 일을 뒤로 하고 비자갱신을 핑계로 캐나다 여행을 계획했다.
미국 지척(:-))에 있으나 한 번도 캐나다에 가보지 못했다.
수도 오타와->몬트리올->퀘백을 돌아 집(State College)으로 돌아오는 것이 나의 여정.
오타와는 작고 깨끗하며 조용한 도시였다.
조금 덜 춥기만 하다면 살고싶은 느낌을 주는 곳이었다.
가장 볼만한 것으로 캐나다 국회건물이다.
하 루를 알차게 돌면 이곳 저곳을 다 볼 수 있을 정도로 작은 도시. 저녁식사 후 오타와 강변을 걸었는데 석양에 비친 국회건물. 여전히 아름다웠다. 한가로운 강변도로도 너무 좋았다. 자전거를 타는 사람들, 조깅하는 사람들, 석양을 바라보며 책을 읽고 있는 사람들...
비자를 무사히 받고, 오후에 몬트리올을 향해 떠났다.
3시간 북서쪽으로 차를 달리는데 길 옆에 갈대가 멋있었지만 운전중이어서 찍은 사진은 없다.
몬트리올에서 하루 밤을 묶었지만 장시간 운전으로 몸살을 앓는 바람에 기억나는게 없다. (성당)
많은 사람들이 퀘백을 아름다운 곳으로 꼽았다.
앗~! 이럴 수가.
오타와에서는 덥다고 느껴졌는데 퀘백에서는 가지고 온 옷을 다 끼어입고도 춥게 느껴졌다.
몸을 웅크리고 구도시 사전답사를 했다.
다음날 다시 구도시로 향했다. 이곳 저곳 프랑스의 축소판 같이 작은 갤러리들과
관광상품을 파는 상점들이 즐비해 있었다.
구 도시에 강을 마주하며 서 있는 샤또퐁뜨낙 호텔의 위상이 아직도 기억에 남는다.
전쟁시 만들어진 요새(citadel)가 그대로 보존되어 있었다.

돌 아오는 날은 미동부 지역에 홍수주의보가 내려진 날이었다. 뉴욕주를 질러 내려오는 길 내내 수돗물을 뽑아내는 듯 거센 빗줄기가 산과 들을 때리고 있었다. 이 산을 넘고, 저 산자락을 넘는 길, 오월의 신록이 얼마나 아름다운지 가슴 깊이 담아왔다. 운전을 하는 즐거움을 이럴 때 느낀다. 인생의 순간도 즐길틈 없이 지나간다. 운전을 하며 지나치는 아름다운 산과 들. 나의 인생도 순간 순간 아름다운 기억들, 아름다운 인연으로 채우며 지나가고 싶다.

2006년 5월 8일-5월 12일

칼국수

2006-08-08T20:31:00.000-04:00

유학생활을 하면서 자신의 요리에 취해 사는 사람은 아마 나 밖에 없으리라.
싱글 유학생들이 가장많이 먹은 음식을 뽑으라 하면 라면일 것이다.
난 라면을 먹을 수가 없다. 먹기만 하면 몸이 아파서 먹을 수가 없다.
칼국수...
칼국수를 무척이나 좋아하던 친구(직장동료)가 있다. 점심 때 무엇을 먹을까 고민할라치면 어김없이 칼국수가 후보에 오른다. 자주가던 칼국수집이 눈에 선하다.
난 라면대신 나만의 다양한 칼국수를 만들어 먹는다.
칼국수와 축구를 생각하면 그 친구가 떠오른다.
토마토를 좋아하는 룸메이트. 토마토를 보면 룸메이트가 생각이 난다.
나는 누군가에게 무엇으로 기억되고 있을까?

==== 초간편 칼국수 ====
감자, 토마토, 그리고 매운 고추를 썰어 살짝 볶는다 (약간의 소금간).
칼국수는 따로 삶는다. (국물을 맑게 하기위해)
살짝 볶은 야채에 물을 넣고, 삶은 칼국수를 넣은 후 살짝 끓여 계란 풀어 먹는다 (입맞에 맞게 소금간을 조금 더 한다) .
빨강, 파랑, 그리고 노랑이 어우러져 예쁘기도 하고 맞도 아주 깔끔하다.

생일 선물

2006-08-08T17:15:00.000-04:00

오늘 동생으로부터 생일선물을 받았다.
막내동생 결혼식에 찍은 가족사진을 스캔해서 보내달라고 했다.
눈으로 그들이 그리울 때가 있다. 마음의 그리움이 사뭊혀 눈으로 그리운 것이다.
...
My birthday was August 1 which was an INFOCOM paper submission due this year.
I had worked on this paper hard so that this might be a good gift for myself.
I think creating something costs patience and passion. I think GOD created us like this.
I can understand a little bit of this secret (^^).
I asked my brother to send a family picture which was taken during his wedding.
Last night I met my mother in my dream.
I meet my family in my prayer everyday with my heart. However, sometimes I miss them so much that something seems like blocking my throat.
I give thanks to GOD that I was born in this family.
They are my love.

한여름

2006-08-08T17:11:00.000-04:00

바이크로드를 따라 걸었다.
골프장을 둘러싸고 있는 아름다운 등하교길이다.
여기저기서 들려오는 벌레소리.
여름의 소리이기도 하지만 여름을 작별하는 소리같다.
한 두해를 감탄하며 이 길을 걸었다.
어느 때부터인가 이것이 마지막 겨울, 봄, 여름이 될지도 모른다는 생각에 모든 것이 사랑스러워졌다.
노란 민들레, 재비꽃, 딱따구리, 아침 이슬 그리고 저녁노을...
인생을 이렇게 처음 설레이는 마음으로 마지막 작별하는 마음으로 살면 아름다울 것 같다.